haven’t you seen the top gear episode for India? that should be reason enough not to go
1. Don’t be a dick.
2. Ride whatever the hell you want.
3. No one gives a shit if your bar tape matches your seat.
4. The bike comes first, right behind family and friends and making a living.
5. Riding in bad weather makes you better. But don’t be stupid about it.
6. If you aren’t having fun, stop.
7. Don’t overlap wheels. Just fuckin’ don’t.
8. Don’t be late to a group ride. Be early.
9. If you’re dropped three times, do your own thing. (See Gentlemen’s Ride)
10. If it’s a no-drop ride, don’t drop people. Ass.
11. Support your local bike shop. And bring them food sometimes.
12. If you race more than 3 times a year, you are in Sport division. If you podium twice, move up. If you win, move up. Getting dead last in Expert is better than winning in Sport. Getting DFL in Pro is better than winning in Expert. No one cares if you win. We all have to go to work on Monday. Test yourself.
13. If you get plate number 13, you turn it upside down. You just do.
14. Do not make start line excuses. “I haven’t been riding”, “I’ve was sick last night”, “I’m too hung over”, “My bike is too heavy”, and the like, are all your fault. Just ride, congratulate the winner, and hang out with your pals after. It’s all good, man.
15. Blogs are stupid. Don’t listen to them, and never take them seriously.
Coffee Ride: Easy, Pease-y. You ride bikes slow and go to a place to drink coffee. Do not fuck up the coffee part. Jeez.
Gentlemen’s Ride: A group ride consisting of any number of riders. Fast but conversational pace on the flats, with hard efforts on climbs. Strict rolling regroups over the top of climbs. Everyone gets back on the first time, no exceptions. Second climb, rolling regroup. If you are dropped two or three times, do the gentlemanly thing and finish the ride alone. If you’re crushing everyone, do the gentlemanly thing and make sure the bulk of the ride stays together. Most of the group should finish together. Ride leader makes any other decisions.
No-Drop Ride: No one is left behind. Ever. That said, make sure a pace is announced and enforced, and do not get in over your head. If it is no drop at 18mph and you can only do 14, think long and hard about going.
Ice Cream Ride: No spandex. 10-12mph. It ends in ice cream, preferably out of a small, miniature Detroit Tigers helmet.
Recovery Ride: If someone says they are going on a recovery ride, they are going to try to drop you on every climb. Guaranteed.